What He Wants Me to Be

My first blog ever. I've been on a long path of finding out what it is that God wants me to do with the rest of my life. At times, He said, "Be a mom" or "Be a teacher" or "Be an entrepreneur", but lately, I feel Him calling me to my sweet spot. You know, that place (job or role) that sets your heart on fire. When you're doing it, it makes your heart sing and soar. I've been perplexed why I have not found my fit in the church. Every ministry I involve myself, I soon find myself distraught...like I am literally a round peg in a square hole. Believers around me are confused why I don't want to continue because, "You are so good at it." And yet I don't feel useful at all. As I sobbed in the living room of our house a couple of months ago, Ron began to speak sweetly to me. He began to point out what I really need to do...speak.

As I began to process with him, I started to see how God had used all those ministry positions to show me what He wants me to be. I served in leadership because He has gifted me with vision, but I don't deal well with details. I served teaching children, but I struggle with classroom management skills. I've taught women in Bible Study scenarios, but I struggle leading the coversations. I've taught adults in church, but was told I need to help the group interact more. This is hard. I love to challenge others to take the steps to be all who God intends for them, but I tend get too caught up in their personal lives and invariably leading them away from God. Almost every ministry I have served, I have left feeling a failure.

But speaking to large groups of people...now this has all the giftings and passions God has given me. I love to teach (or preach as a pastor friend of mine says), but not so much the small classroom scene. I have vision and I love to share it with those who have the gifting of details. I love to inspire, push and challenge. I love to speak truth boldly as the Holy Spirit leads. My dream, since I was 24, has been to be a public speaker... a Beth Moore. A woman who would speak to thousands of women. A woman who would challenge women to find the victory God has for them. My dream today is to be a speaker for Women of Faith.

So here I am. I'm learning what God wants me to be, trying to not be afraid. Afraid that this is another minstry where I will fail. And yet I am so excited to see what He'll do next. God is such a loving Father. It's still amazing to me that He wants us to serve in our sweet spot.